I don't want to

Well, I started my class last night. It's an Intensive Writing Workshop. Now I have to send 20 pages of my WIP to 10 strangers. If I never had to see these strangers again, I wouldn't care so much. But I have to let them read it, then critique it. It is making me a nervous wreck. My stomach's in knots and I just want to curl up in the corner and never come back out. I know that everyone starts some where and that my WIP is just a start. But I just feel so stupid around these people. They all seem like really intellectual people that really know their shit. I, however, feel like a dumbass who should have just stayed home. I know that I am not stupid. I am sure that I could out Photoshop and out cat the best of them, but it doesn't feel like enough right now.

Writing like a man?!

I was talking to a guy at work the other day. We were discussing books that we liked. I had told him about these books that I like to read by J.D. Robb, who is actually Nora Roberts. He told me that his wife loves Nora Roberts books and that he tried to read one of her books, but it was too girly. I told him that these books were very different from her other books. The heroine in these books is a tough, no nonsense cop. That they are not romance in novels. So then he says, "Oh, she's trying to write like a man." I did not say anything. I was not really surprised by the statement. But the more I think about it the more pissed off I get.
What the hell does that mean? If I don't write some stupid claptrap about romance or buying shoes, then I am writing like a man? I am not ashamed to admit that I read the occasional book like "Bridget Jones Diary". They are funny and cute and easy to read. But I've read a lot of stupid shit by men too. So let me tell you that WHEN I get published if I hear some jackass talk about book being written "like a man", I'm going to blow his ears back.

I want more

What's wrong with wanting more? I hear people say that we should be happy with what we have. I know that I am lucky and I am happy with what I have. But what is wrong with wanting more? Isn't that human nature? If it weren't we would still be living in caves, eating raw meat and roots. Yes, I want more! I'll admit it. I want, want, want, want...

Cowboys in Dandridge

I took my parents to a place called Cowboys tonight. It's a seafood joint on Douglas Lake. It's a marina, restaurant and hotel all in one. The inside looks like a diner. Simple tables and chairs. Your standard fish photos and stories on the walls. Cowboys has THE BEST HUSHPUPPIES. The rest of the food is marginal at best. The service is hit or miss. I had the broiled scallops, they were small, salty and mostly boring. The salad is simple iceburg and a tomato or two, I'm sure somewhere in there is some cheese. The rest of the food is fried. Fried shrimp, deviled crab, fried oysters, fried fish. They do not serve alcohol, so don't go expecting a cold beer to go with all of that fry. But once in a while I have to go - just for the hushpuppies, which by the way come in a basket and are included in the meal. So I gorged on hushpuppies tonight. I guess I won't need a fix again for awhile.

knew better

Dang, I knew better than to blog anything about work. After making fun of other people, I screwed something up. It was a small thing and I don't imagine anybody will actually say anything, but that doesn't make it okay. I guess I need to worry less about what other people are doing/not doing and pay more attention to what I should be doing.

burn out

I have vowed to never blog about work (good way to lose my job). But right now I am so burned out. Burned out on my schedule, burned out on my job in general. Leaving, however, is not an option. I would have to give up so much. Plus it's not a bad job. I never see my boss, I have very little actual stress, unless you count watching other people screw things up. I'm a peon at work, so if those folks can't figure it out, no body can blame me. I wish I could just take a sabbatical. Maybe just a month or two to work on my house. And by my house I mean my WIP, my actual house, my yard, my life. Can I get all of that straightened out in 2 months? Probably not, but I would love to try.

emercency bread pudding

Well, my friend was supposed to come by with her son and her nephew for brunch today. I had planned to make french toast with blueberry syrup. Well, that got cancelled. So I had a giant loaf of french bread, a dozen eggs and loads of fresh fruit, so what to do? I decided on bread pudding. So here's the recipe

4 eggs
1 cup greek yogurt
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 tsp brandy (did not vanilla, but you can use vanilla instead)
1 1/2 cup soy milk (can use regular milk)
2 cups stale bread cut into cubes
2 cups mixed fruit - blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries
cinnamon to taste

whisk eggs, yogurt, brown sugar and brandy until smooth, then mix in milk, bread, and berries.

Let sit for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Top with cinnamon.

Bake in preheated 350 degree oven for 55 minutes.